A Child Who Is Not Embraced By The Village Will Burn It Down To Feel Its Warmth

On this Wisdom Wednesday, we’ll be discussing the proverb: “A child who is not embraced by the village, will burn it down to feel its warmth”. As a father of four children myself, I understand the challenges of raising children. We are attempting to motivate and encourage them to be their best self on a regular basis. The reality is it all comes down to the amount of time we are willing to invest in them.

Much is given, much is received

When we give children our time in a positive way, our children react positively. They are encouraged by the positive behavior and become addicted to it in many ways. They are constantly seeking approval to reaffirm their growth. Naturally, if you have a large family, you may be wondering if you need to devote individual time all the time. The short answer is no. While one on one time is nice, family outings is good too. We go out and get yogurt as a family when our children achieve certain milestones.

We reward positive behavior because positive actions don’t always pay off in the short term. For example, the benefits of reading are long-term. Short-term our kids enjoy watching YouTube and their favorite Disney princess movie. To compete in the short-term, we give them a reading log they get to color in each time they read. Then, if they complete the reading log, we go out for frozen yogurt each month. By incentivizing them to do the right thing now, they can enjoy the journey and the rewards along the path. In part, a child who is not embraced by the village cannot reach their potential. And since they are not incentivized to the right thing, they will do anything for attention.

It’s a long-term game

Much like investing money versus spending it. Instant gratification can be so tempting. It’s hard to remember the benefits of financial freedom or retirement when facing the opportunity to buy something right now. The same holds true for our children. A child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel gratification instantly. That is why it’s so important for children to know they have our attention. If the only time someone is acknowledged is when they are doing wrong, we are unintentionally teaching our children to misbehave.

Instead, by regularly checking in with our children and encouraging them to do the right thing, they learn to receive the attention in a positive way. We all have responsibilities and it takes time to give children the attention they seek. That is where the village comes in. Your support network is just that, a support network. This can include grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, and mentors alike. Surround your children with enough warmth and love that they never feel the need to burn the village down.

Share your passion

An important aspect of legacy planning is ensuring your children understand what’s important to you. Where you spend your time shows what is important to you. If you want your children to believe family is important, spend time with family. For your children to love your business as much as you do, you need to share your love with them. Take them into the office. Allow them to help you prep for events. Whenever it makes sense, share your business with your children. You don’t want your children to feel they are competing against your business. You want to them to know the business if for them That way, they are interested in the business when it comes time to pass your business on. Otherwise, a child who is not embraced by the village will resent their parents business and immediately sell it.

Final thoughts

A child who is not embraced by the village will grow to resent the village. This will lead to our children burning the village down and looking for attention in all the wrong places. By giving our time and encouraging our children along the way, they will grow up and have a vested interest in the success of the village. Ultimately, they will take a leadership role and help expand the village by providing warmth to future generations.

References:

Image from: Freepik.com

National Library of Medicine: Adolescent Development of the Reward System